50 ways to annoy: Akashi [crackfic]

50 Ways to annoy: Akashi Seijuro

Warning: Do not try this if you value your life, I repeat: do not try this if you value your life.

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1. Ask him why he uses different colored contact lenses.

2. Ask him why he cut his hair if he could afford to buy a goddamn Barber shop.

3. Buy rounded tip scissors and give them to him as a Christmas’ present.

4. Tell him his hair is not red, but hardcore pink.

5. Watch a movie with him; spoil the ending before he can use his emperor eye to do so.

6. Speak with him about his favorite book. Tell him the movie is waaaay better.

7. Tell him that ‘Rainbow squad’ is a better name than Generation of Miracles.

8. Ask him how it feels to be the leader of the Power Rangers.

9. Call him ‘shorty’ even if he’s taller than you. Change countries and get a facial surgery after.

10. Sign him up for a break dance competition because ankle breakers.

11. Whenever he asks anyone for a favor, finish his sentence with a; “Because his orders are ab-so-lute.”

12. Whenever he enters a room, yell; “The Emperor is here!”

13. Tell him that shogi is boring.

14. Make him a bento exclusively out of seaweed.

15. Steal his favorite pair of scissors and paint them baby blue because then he would have more things to remember Kuroko.

16. Get non-toxic, washable paint and paint his white horse red, blue, green, yellow or purple. Kudos if you actually use all the colors.

17. Steal his shogi pieces and draw smiley faces in all of them.

18. Whenever he tries to talk, yell; “Spoiler alert!”

19. Go to his house and steal an embarrassing picture. Show it to his teammates. (Run for your life.)

20. Tell him you used your ‘Empress eye’ to see that Seirin was going to win.

21. Dress up as Kuroko. Tell him he’s the Dante to your Vergil.

22. Write a smutty fic of him and Kuroko. Use his computer.

23. Open a false profile of him on Facebook. Befriend Furihata and ask him to be in a relation.

24. Tell him that Furihata is the Chihuahua to his Simba.

25. Make him play Slender. Ask him if he’s afraid because Slender is tall.

26. Tell him that being good at everything is too mainstream.

27. Steal his phone and change the wallpaper to Aomine giving the finger.

28. Change his ringtone to the ‘I’ll make a man out of you’ song from Mulan.

29. Tell him that he should lose more often because ‘Lose is to win a little’.

30. Beg him to let you win a Shogi match. If he actually agrees, brag about it to every frigging one.

31. Whenever he tries to talk to you, close your eyes and whisper; “Shh, I’m in the zone.”

32. Make him take a ‘What Pokémon are you?’ quiz. Make sure he gets Plusle because Kuroko is Minum.  

33. Call him Sei-tan in front of his father.

34. Buy a lion plushie and name it Akashi. Show it to everyone you can think of.

35. Tell him that his song is the ‘I can’t wait to be king’ from the Lion King movie.

36. Buy a hamster and make it the Rakuzan official pet.

37. Ask him what it feels like having a twin brother who is eyebrow-less and a sand lover.  

38. Tell him that you are sure he was a cleaning freak in his past life. And that he was obsessed with tea.

39. Buy as many bags of skittles as you can. Only give red ones to Akashi.

40. Play home with him. Make him be Momma Akashi.

41. Use his laptop to read and favorite lime fics of him and the Generation of Miracles.

42. Whenever the two of you go out, dress only in red clothes.

43. Give him chocolates filled with seaweed for Valentine’s day.

44. Tell him you’re his not-so-secret Santa.

45. Befriend Hayama and call yourselves the blazing duo.

46. Tell him he’s too short to be captain.

47. When he talks to you, ask him; “Is this Sméagle or Gollum talking?” - RUN.

48. Show him the movie ‘The Emperor’s New Groove’ and tell him that he reminds you of Kuzco.

49. Give him a 'Poker-face award :/' trophy.

50. Do the forty-nine aforementioned points.

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A/N: I really don't know what to do with my life xD. Anyways, here's another one of these crackfics. I hope you like it!
Kisses people, and peace!